i miss that raw kind of feeling

like when you’re four years old, swimming

in the pool

without your floaties for the first time, feeling naked, vulnerable

and you jump

in the water.

Little legs are kicking, kicking trying to find the bumpy bottom

of the pool and water rushes

up your nose

and you’re holding your breath

and oh god you can’t hold it much longer and you finally take a gulping breath

of chlorinated water, panic

frazzling every sunbleached

hair on your arms

and

and

and

right then your dads hand plunges through the water

like a seagull

into ocean waves and he plucks

you by the elbow

into the july air,

gasping,

shuddering,

ready to do it all over again.