when we’re at a loss for words that fully encapsulate our feelings, the simple phrase “this song reminds me of you” will suffice

here are some memories that make me associate songs with people from my life

maybe it seems weird that i took the time to write these out and that i care that much

but sometimes i wish someone cared as much as i do !!!

Supercut – Lorde

climbing the “moon tower” in Argos with my best friend during an Indiana sunset in the midst of August. we’d zoomed through backroads, walls of corn on either side, with the windows down and our anthem of the day playing on repeat. it was like a parallel to the tunnel scene in “Perks of Being a Wallflower.” i looked out over the fields as the humidity hung low with the yellow speckles of lightning bug butts. the sky was milky blue and the toenail moon shone opalescent as we sat criss-cross-applesauce on the platform over the railroad tracks and the cool metal grates made imprints in my cutoff clad legs. we drove home a little slower and a little quieter since we weren’t racing to beat the descending sun. hurrying would mean saying goodbye for another few weeks.

Whenever I Call You “Friend” – Kenny Loggins/Stevie Nicks

this is my mom and stepdad’s song. the one they’d shut down a karaoke bar with if they got drunk enough. i know this because i’ve seen their performance a million times in the midst of our living room. it seems like i always walk in the house right as my mom says “alEXA, play whenever i call you ‘friend’.” the lights go down and suddenly the tv remotes become microphones. even the dogs settle down to witness such a duet. when i visit this memory, it’s always summer and i’m always walking out the back door to take out the trash. as the door latches behind me, humidity rushes into every one of my pores and the sound of my mom belting out “IN EVERY MOMENT THERE’S A REASON TO CARRY ONNNNNN” becomes muffled, but not to the extent that the neighbors can’t hear it as they’re enjoying (or trying to enjoy) dinner on their porch. everytime, i decide not to burst the star performers’ bubble and so the show goes on.

Jordan Belfort – Wes Walker, Dyl

every single time i hear this song, i’m teleported back to my 15 year old body in the backseat of a black Volkswagon Beetle amidst the assortment of school bags and backpacks stuffed with volleyball gear. as the ‘Bug crawls its way out of the chaos that is the PJHS parking lot, the promise of buffalo chicken dip and scotcharoos makes my stomach growl. what better fuel for a volleyball game, right? the upperclassmen sit in the front seat, conversing about their drama that I’m too young and too naive to know about. my best friend and i just silently share a look and a secret smirk, because honestly we’re just happy to be there. with the volume at its peak, the top of our heads bang against the roof of the car as we fly over the railroad tracks and we scream out the line “Ima ____ yo _____, (what?!) CALL ME HOUDINI!!!” so now, whenever my best friend and i are at a function i swear it’s like that scene in White Chicks when they do the synchronized dance, except we haven’t gotten around to choreographing a routine *yet.

Location – AJR

this one is taking a shower while someone brushed their teeth and AJR’s cover of Location blasted through the speaker. out of nowhere, i felt that feeling. and i paused as shampoo cascaded down over my shoulders, and i smiled as tears of inexplicable joy sprung to my eyes. my hands flew to clasp over my mouth, and i was just struck with disbelief at how otherworldly i felt. i was safe and warm with someone i loved dearly just on the other side of the shower curtain brushing their teeth. all of my worries from the past few months evaporated and i felt weightless for the first time in a long time. love is euphoria. the feeling lasted as i climbed out of the shower with the smell of Goodfellow & Co. bodywash lingering on my skin, put on clothes that fit me but weren’t very flattering because they weren’t mine, and took one of the most restful naps of my life. the storm had passed, for the time being.

Cover Me Up – Morgan Wallen

listen, i know he’s canceled now but this song still goes crazy. this one is lying in my best friend’s bed at 3:30am in her apartment in the middle of Indy as the little snores of my other best friend kept me company. i couldn’t sleep so i just sat on the edge of the bed staring out at the parking garage roof with its blinding white lights twinkling amidst those of the skyscrapers in the background. a feeling of heaviness had been weighing on me for hours and i truly felt so alone. as i lay back down in a desperate attempt to doze off, the music from the living room drifted in and the first notes began. someone started singing along and my tears streamed silently. i still felt alone, but i felt safe too. i realized at that moment that i was all i really had for the rest of my life, and i sought comfort in the fact that i am such a small part of the world. here i was, having an mini existential crisis and no one knew. our group of friends was doing its own thing and no one in the other apartments had any idea. and now, whenever i hear that song, i feel the achy melancholy mixed with that comfort of insignificance. it feels like drinking hot sleepytime tea and lying in bed with freshly washed sheets after a long day.

7 – Catfish and the Bottlemen

7 is looking from the passenger side at the boy with the blonde curls when i’m supposed to be navigating us to the only downtown restaurant still open but i can’t pay attention because he’s laughing about how i told him that i take shots out of the coffee creamer bottle when my mom turns her back. And then it’s the drive home after 7 hours flew by, waiting for this song to come on while i listen to the whole album just because he said Catfish is one of his favorite bands. And then it’s limping on terribly blistered feet after aimlessly walking 7 miles around Indy, talking and talking about anything and everything. killing time doesn’t feel like killing time with some people. And then it’s playing 7 on repeat until the next time a hole opens up in our busy schedules and then he shows me his new favorite album that just dropped. And now, 7 represents everything that could’ve been but won’t be because the line “& i love you but i need another year alone” encapsulates everything. I thought 7 was supposed to be the luckiest number in the world.

That Way – Lil Uzi Vert

without fail, this one makes me think of my guy friends from Indy. i could be crazy, but i swear someone always played this when we hung out in the summertime. it’s one of those songs that evokes the carefree attitude that you take on when the outside temperature surpasses 70 degrees. water pong, broken A/C in a tiny apartment with too many people, heat-radiating sunburns, and promises of early morning swims that don’t ever stay intact by the time 8am rolls around. like Uzi says, “i want it that way”, especially now in the midst of winter.

moments like these comprise the soundtrack to my life

mack </3