In My Feels About Graduating

Second of all, I have twelve school days left of high school. Actually, seniors really only have ten because we have our senior picnic hooplah and our senior trip!!! And I have my AP test next Tuesday (gross) which takes up half a day. Basically, I’m looking at 9 1/2 days of high school. Not sure how I feel about that.

Am I excited about life after high school? For sure. But I’m also extremely sad. As a very sentimental person, I tend to become upset when a moment passes that I know I’ll never get back. In this case, I can never have a normal high school day after May 21. Yeah I can walk back through Door 18 for a basketball game over winter break, but I know it won’t be the same. I’ll have flashbacks of rushing in, trying to beat the 7:55 bell, and remember what life was like. If I come back for football games, my spot won’t be with my friends since elementary school in the fan section, dressed to the nines in that evening’s themed attire-no, Ill be blurred in with the crowd, another has-been.

I know that after I walk across the stage, diploma in hand, my high school achievements don’t really matter anymore. No one cares that I won a writing competition my freshman year or that I was an all-state volleyball player for two years. I’ll always care, and I’ll always have those memories, but I won’t be that person that reminisces on their high school glory days. I think the glory days are whenever you want them to be. I refuse to allow myself to think that I’ve peaked in high school. My glory days are in the future when I’m traveling the world, when I get married, when I find my purpose in life.

It’s always difficult for me to shut the door on a chapter in life (seasons of life, according to Indy Blue). I freak myself out thinking about how I literally will never do some things again. I’ll never eat Mrs.Morris’s candy during seventh period while I’m in the office. I’ll never run with my track friends after my last meet 😦 At some point, I’ll never come home to my mom(s) cooking dinner for me; instead I’ll be eating cafeteria food, probably gaining the freshman 15 yikes. After graduation, I’ll probably never see one of my BFFs since elementary because she’ll be eloping all over the world doing super important, life-changing stuff. (That’s you, Rach)

With all this being said, I know graduating high school is a little thing in the grand scheme of life, but it’s really scary to think that I have to completely adjust my life. I’ve never known anything but Pioneer and cornfields.

I think my blog has taken the form of a journal sometimes. I’ve always tried to be that girl who journals everyday, but I am forgetful, oops. How fun will it be in a few months or even years to look back on all these old posts and see how far I made it. It’s a link to the past, and that’s all I need to give me the courage to look forward (lots of pictures and videos help too-hello, senior year video, stay tuned :))

Probably more to come because reality hasn’t sunk in yet.

MACK